Why is it so hard to be our true selves?

Recently I went to a sweet little pizza place in San Francisco that is an all run by hearing impaired persons. It was such a sweet experience already and little did I know I was going to have an unforgettable night.

I was just finishing my second weekend retreat with my professional wild women group and I was feeling particularly vulnerable as I had just shared with my wild women pals how I made the mistake of creating a business and website that didn't reflect my true desires and passion. I had made a business for couples coaching thinking this is what I wanted to do and found out it is really not.

Long story a little shorter I had made a business twice in the last 10 years that I did not step into fully and it ended before it really began. I felt so ashamed. Aren't I supposed to have figured this out by now? Shouldn't I have a proper career now at my age? All of that jazz. Finally with the support of my Intuitive Coach and my community of wild women friends I got clear and announced at the weekend retreat that I am an intuitive and Intuition Coach. I have had this unique gift of intuition for almost 10 years and I have hiding it like Golam and his precious, in lord of the rings since then.

Why is it so hard to be our true selves? Why do we hide our true gift and unique abilities? Well this is something I'm still discovering myself. All I know is this is my unique gift and ability. I believe we all have them. And I believe I'm here to help others discover them and open up to sharing them with the world.

Now back to the boy at the pizza place. Well in this very vulnerable state I started off to the bathroom. It was full and I had to stand off to the side and wait for my turn, and thank goodness too as I was standing there a boy turned to me in his seat. He was wiggling around and then as he was moving it was as though I had caught his eye and he settled into one spot with his gaze on me.

Just then he smiled. But this wasn't just any smile it was as if his whole body was smiling at me. Like every cell in his little being was lighting up to me. His huge heart was right there on his face smiling back at me. I noticed my whole being lite up too.

It was as if his smile hit my heart and a glow started from there and just continued though my whole body till it made it to my face and I smiled back with my whole being. It was the most profound moment. Then in a flash it was over. He turned and the woman walked out of the bathroom and in I went.

When I got in there tears started flowing down my face. I couldn't help myself they were just pouring. I said to myself what is this? And ok cry of you need to Laura, and you will have to go face the public soon. It was just so overwhelming. His heart smiled at my heart and anything that was on my heart in pain just poured off.

I went back to my table with my Partner and was really unable to speak for a while, I even excused myself and went outside for a bit to cry some more. This boy's pure love through his smile just touched me so unbelievably it was hard for me to contain it. I came back in from my cry and felt compelled to tell the parents how his smile touched my heart and to give this family my information.

But I just announced using my gifts, I can't be ready yet, can I? And I had just heard a story from our couples Therapist about following our intuition that made it so aware for me how vital it is to follow our guidance. It was about how when he followed his, a mans life was saved. So there was no getting out of listening to this guidance. I felt I needed to give the boy and his parents my info, I had no card, so I wrote my info on a note and held onto it tightly hoping this feeling would maybe change and I could get out of needing to walk up to them and share my info.

 

It was way out of my comfort zone. And not to mention I'm absolutely new at doing this Intuitive work, even though I've had the gift since I was 27. I was petrified. After I finished dinner I slowly approached the table where the boy sits. I walked up and stood there, I must have been visually shaking, I started to speak. I said I really felt I must tell you your sons smile touched my heart and I felt compelled to share my info with you, I am an Intuitive and have a gift to speak to the spirit's of people, I would love to talk with his. I'm sorry for interrupting you and have a good night. I could barely get the words out. I was so incredibly scared to share this vulnerable place. But I did it. It felt good and incredibly frightening.

Once it was all said and done I could actually talk to my partner about what I experienced. It was such an amazing experience. I feel this boy's heart changed my whole heart forever. This one experience reminded me what a beautiful open heart I have too and thought me how that is this boys gift he shares with the world.  His sweet open heart. And that sharing my open heart with the world is part of what I'm here to do. He reminded me of that. That is why the tears started to pour down. Because I haven't been living that way.

 

Like I have been hiding my gift, I have been hiding my heart right along side it. Only letting it out short moments at a time but never with the world watching.

 

This brave and precious boy reminded me of my own heart, how precious it is and how it must be shared with the world now.

 

If I ever see or hear from you again little boy that would be amazing and if I don't I have the precious memory of you and your smile in my heart forever and maybe that was all this moment was meant for but I Thank you from deep inside my heart, I will never be the same. In the best way possible.