In the resiliency of my teens and twenties I would jump into relationships with friends pretty quickly. Some relationships would last and some would be fleeting. I don't remember being too phased by the loss of a friend back then. I just kept going on making new friends to replace the old and letting the old ones go without too much attachment. Now in my thirties I have learned two very important things about friendship. One part its intuition that guides me to a new relationship. It's something I feel when I meet someone that is unexplainable, a good feeling, I’m drawn to getting to know them better. The other, which has taken me to my thirties to learn, is discernment.
A huge chunk of learning discernment came for me from a religious group I joined in my mid twenties. I came into the group wide eyed and very naive. I thought, if all these people are searching for the same thing, which I believed at the time was God, then they must all be nice people I would want to be friends with. Ah... the refreshing naivety of youth. Of course after a few years I learned there were people that I felt I didn't want to be friends with and soon parted ways from many people from that group.
Other things I learned was, it wasn't important to place blame on the people for the way they acted or the things I felt they did that hurt me. With time I saw it was simply my lesson to learn discernment and they played a part for me to learn that lesson. That doesn't’ however mean I would jump into friendships again with these people, but it does mean I am free of blame, resentment and judgement. I do my best to accept the lesson for what it is and forgive myself and the people involved in learning it.
Recap of lessons learned! Have discernment when it comes to the people you allow in your life. Trust your gut. If you keep having the feeling that something doesn't feel right, trust that shit! You are an amazing intuitive being with the ability to sniff out people and situations that are not right for you. Try not to find blame or fault, everyone, that means you too, is doing the best they can in their current state of evolution. Forgive yourself as you are going to make errors in judgment. When you do that Pray Pray Pray... for the outcome to be the best one for each persons evolution.
People go in and out of our lives our whole life, having that process happen with grace and ease is my goal and prayer for us all. Lets face it life can be challenging, but when you do find that rare good friend, it somehow makes it a bit easier.