Sitting with my heart has been a practice I’ve been cultivating for a while now. This practice has made me more and more in touch with what I call tangles in my heart. Tangles are pain or what feels like knots in my heart. What I experience the knots as are painful experiences I didn’t get the support or care I needed to process the challenging feelings and emotions I was experiencing. My experience is these tangles stay in my heart space and cause misinterpreted perceptions in my relationship with myself and with others.
I have learned that these knots are tied into the mother and father we carry in our hearts. In the psychology of attachment it is explained that as we grow up a mother and father is formed in our psyche. That mother and father informs how we see ourselves, how we see others and how we see the world. It’s as if we take into our hearts that mother and father and they stay with us. That internalized interpretation is what we believe and than is passed down from generation to generation. Now, the parents that are created in the psyche ends up being pretty close to the parents you had with few exceptions.
So, if you are raised by parents who kept you pretty much safe and gave you enough guidance but not too much and you felt loved and accepted by them you probably created an inner loving mother and father presence that stays in your heart and comforts you when you need it. However if you had a parent or parents that used manipulation, physical abuse or psychological abuse as a way to raise you than you likely created that same type of parents in you. The ways we were treated get internalized and then those become the knots in our heart.
Even if we don’t want to act out these things that were done to us we do because our psyche is trying to work things out. This is called reenactment in psychology terms. This is where we recreate situations over and over where we feel the same things or experience the same let down over and over. It is our psyche trying to have things work out in a different and hopefully better way.
What I have been learnings with my therapist that specializes in attachment therapy is that we can’t undo what is done but we can create a new loving mother and father inside of our hearts. We can create them and then with support we can find our scared, shutdown hurting little boy or girl parts inside of our hearts and give those parts what they needed. Love, presence, support, encouragement and anything else they need to feel better so they can feel safe to go out and play in the world again.
This has been an amazing and miraculous experience for me as I am seeing how when I get each different little girl part safe a part of my life shifts and changes. I start to feel safe to write more and share that writing with the world. I start to feel safer to be vulnerable with the people I love. I start to feel safer in my body and I even feel different in my brain. Things I couldn’t understand how to do before all the sudden become clear and I do them without any trouble. This is prof to me that my brain is becoming more organized which is also a good sign of my attachment style changing.
I am also recovering memories from my childhood that I suppressed. Good and bad memories. Before I started therapy I could not remember anything before 12 years old. Now I have a memory’s of every age.
Now that I have a inner loving mother and father inside my heart I’m never alone. I’m never without support and this gets stronger the more I practice. Today I serve people in my practice to create that loving inner mother and father and together we create space to give each child part inside just what they need to feel safe and ready to go out in the world to play.
The safer all the child parts are the more positive change I see in my and my clients lives. It is a gift to be able to hear the inner children’s voices inside ourselves and to be able to give them all what they most needed. Also the gift that comes with hearing our own is we learn to hear others inner child parts too. That helps us understand ourselves and others much more than we ever have before.
If you are interested or ready to learn more about your inner little ones you can sign up for a free 30 minute session below. This is for new clients only.
Thank you and I look forward to serving you,