Recently, I started a training in Shamanism. One of our goals is to let go of our over domestication and open to being feral and agile. I had no idea how making this commitment in my process was going to change how I see myself and really everything in the world. There are so many ways I’ve been domesticated that I sometimes don’t even realize. I just learned to submit and it became second nature. Now, I can see the ways I've compromised myself and the way others do this too. It's quite painful.
I can see how I've compromised myself to be part of communities, women's groups, friendships and to be a part of my family. I'm not saying that some negotiations aren’t important in life to maintain relationships and so on. But compromising who I am and accepting others’ rules and conforming to rigid outdated belief systems doesn't serve me in being my best self. When I started my path of healing and opening my heart at 25 I thought I had to conform and misconfigured myself and believe what others did in order to be a part of a group of spiritual people.
I thought I had to do what everyone else was doing to be accepted and enlightened. What I’m realizing now is that there's a unique way my spirit and energy flows into the world, that my path doesn't have to look a certain way, that I don't have to conform, manipulate or contort myself to fit into anything to be of value to the planet or to be loved.
That the story of my ancestors, my birth, growing up and the future are more ever-changing in every moment. At first all this mystery feels unsettling, but after a while, it just starts to sink in as reality. Control is futile on this path now. All I can do now is continue to be with each breath, each emotion and each thing that bubbles up from my heart. A continued process of meeting whatever is here.
On one side, it’s difficult to be awake and feel naked and vulnerable because I have to come out of denial and see the destructive unbalanced power and unawareness that is destroying our planet. On the other side, is learning to lay in the nest of mother earth, to let go into her and trust that I will always be held by her. Though this can also be difficult, when I’m in touch with it, there’s pure safety, trust and security.
Let me elaborate: being naked and vulnerable in this way doesn’t mean being weak, needing saving or being incapable. This naked and vulnerable means being free. Free from over domestication, free from the stories of the past, free from painful unconscious cycles passed down from generations, free from the pain surrounding my hearts and beliefs blocking my mind and potential. This type of naked and vulnerable means owning my true power and potential, flowing my unique gift into the world, being fully connected and sharing my heart openly.