Inside Job

For years, I have been praying for one thing: to do what I came here to do. It's been my heart's yearning since I turned 25. I didn’t realize what I was really asking for at the time but I believe some deeper part of me knew. Every time I was suffering in a job or unhappy with what I was doing, I would just pray. Pray that I would be able to do whatever it is I came here to do. I think what this really means is I had a deep desire to feel connected, called and aligned with what I am doing in my life. That I feel a sense of purpose and belonging in it. My heart has been calling out for this wish for so long and I am so grateful to say I feel I have that gift now.

I do service in the world that feels truly most aligned with who I am. I feel deep gratitude for the gifts I have and the ability to use them in the world. There is so much I have been blessed with and at the same time, a lot of things lost that I continue to need to grieve. I used to think that balance was the goal. I realize now, my goal is Harmony with what is. Life is constantly changing. My desires and feelings change and my life is in a constant ebb and flow of change. Just like the ocean, there are times I feel rougher, cold and intense and there are times I feel calm, flowing and easeful. How I flow with the changes in me is what I have a say about. 

So how do I stay in Harmony? Well, it's been different practices throughout my life. It was yoga, meditation, mindfulness, silence and many others. What I have found now is an inner practice of being with all the parts inside me and bringing them to an unconditional loving Mother and Father. It's taken me years to learn this process and to essentially feel safe enough to go out there into the world and be who I am, so I can do what I came here to do. Because I did have to feel safe to be who I really am first. I always like to explain it by saying it’s an inside job

Externally, the circumstances of life go up and down. Our emotions tend to go with that and the only way I found to deal with all that up and down is to have a solid place inside to bring all that big and small emotion. A place that is always there no matter where I'm at or who I’m with. A place that is always unconditionally loving and that I can feel whatever I am feeling, all the way through. When the magic of moving through the fullness of our emotions happens, it's really an amazing thing. My experience is that when that happens, there's a big shift in our energy. We suddenly feel capable in life. We feel held, supported and seen. We are able to be more fully ourselves. It’s inner safety. When that inner safety is there, life moves and shifts but you still feel solid.

This is the new wish of my heart, that people can get the support to create that solid loving place inside them. That each one of us can do what we came here to do, use our unique gifts and abilities to be of service to humanity and the world, in whatever way they are meant to. This really feels to me like the hugest gift we can give to ourselves, others and the world. 

It's my pleasure to support people in growing their inner safety.